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Self-Love: Tips for Feeling Overwhelmed

Tips for When You're Feeling Overwhelmed, Anxiety or Stressed Out

I originally shared the following advice for when you're feeling overwhelmed with.... well, life or anything in my newsletter, but I realised it could do with a home of its own on the Internet so here it is. I'd be lying if I said I didn't write it for myself because I did. I have been experiencing varying levels of overwhelm this year (for obvious reasons!) and it's the kind of overwhelm that brings with it a lot of stress and other negative emotions. I know that most of the time, even if I can't stop myself from feeling overwhelmed, I can help myself manage the negative emotions, feelings, thoughts and sensations that it brings.
For me overwhelm often shows up as something sort of tries to "solve" itself by feeding myself a very negative and all-consuming narrative: I'm too busy to do X, Y, Z... I don't have time to calm down... I am in this mess because I didn't do A, B, C... and so on. Very quickly, the stress and anxiety I feel from overwhelm becomes greater than any stress I was feeling about the cause of overwhelm (be it too much to do at work, at home, or just simply feeling overwhelmed by lots of negative things happening in the world around me). It gets very hard to do what I need to do to calm down so that I can then actually tackle or process things I need to work through in order to manage the source of overwhelm.
The point is, it doesn't matter what the cause of you feeling overwhelmed is; in our day and age, it's human to feel overwhelmed. The most important thing you need to remember is that while overwhelm can flag up some important information to ourselves (i.e. you need to slow down, you need to ask for help, etc), the actual stress and anxiety (and even depression) that overwhelm can bring is not good for our minds and bodies, so let's look at what we can do to manage, reduce and work through overwhelm. That's what this post is going to do!

Here's How You Manage Overwhelm (in Five Simple Steps)

A quick but important note on overwhelm. Overwhelm is a state of mind that shouldn't be long-lasting or debilitating on a daily basis. If overwhelm is showing up like this for you, I would strongly advise you talk to someone about it be it a friend, family member or medical professional. I am not an expert on overwhelm or stress or anxiety, but I am someone who experiences overwhelm quite regularly and like I said above, because this has increased in recent months, I've also become more vigilant about trying to manage overwhelm, hence why I'm sharing this post today.
Interestingly, in researching what happens when we are feel overwhelm I found quite a bit of research saying that overwhelm - the act of feeling flooded or buried with a certain emotion - can also be positive. For example you can feel overwhelmed by happiness, love, laughter etc. However, for the purposes of this little write-up I want to talk specifically about more negative experiences of overwhelm, specifically when you feel stressed by too many things, be that too many tasks to do for work, too many demands from your children, or just too many negative things happening in your life or the world around you.
I think it's fair to say, it is sadly very normal and understandable to be feeling overwhelmed A LOT these days because there is a lot happening in the world - on a global scale as well as community and familial and personal levels - so let me ease your mind about feeling overwhelmed regularly; it's to be expected. I have been struggling with overwhelm a lot in relation to thinking about both my day-to-day duties with both kids at home a lot, and in relation to things that are out of control like my travel blog business tanking, and not being able to see my family in UK for a long time.
Because the overwhelm I felt was regular, and often debilitating for longer than I recognised was necessary, I have spent a lot of time thinking how I can better manage it. Writing these tips have been helpful to not only help me see what I have learned and what works but to also work through some "general overwhelm" I've been feeling in the last few weeks.
So I do hope these tips and just taking a moment to think about how you handle any negative feeling or sensation you experience gives you some more tools in your toolbox to feel more confident about tackling it, or simply not letting it steal all your joy and/or energy when it comes up.

Tips for Managing Overwhelm, Anxiety or Stress

As with most uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings I encounter - and overwhelm is 100% a member of that club, possibly even Chairperson this year, to be honest - I have found two things very helpful when feel lost in a feeling or state that I don't enjoy.
  1. Firstly, I do what I can to stop resisting what I am feeling. I don't question WHY I feel what I feel, and I try to stop looking for ways to feel better, especially if I have already tried and failed to do this. I accept whatever it is I feel and I try to preserve what energy I have for more helpful endeavours, which began with the next step.
  2. Secondly, I get curious about what I'm feeling. This does not mean I question the Why or the How I came to feel what I am experiencing. It's more simple and specific than that. I try to observe and identify the What I am feeling in terms of physical sensations, and to a certain extent emotional feelings to in their most basic form. The good news is that the first part of this equation - physical sensations - can often help you decipher the emotional side, and at the same time can help you counteract the unpleasant physical feelings and the uncomfortable feelings too. How do I do that? By asking myself some key, open-ended questions.


  1. The third thing I do once I've asked myself these questions is tweak my physical experience as much as possible. Let's keep the same headings so you reconfirm which things you need to be checking and working on.


Needless - I hope! - to say, not all of these things will apply at any one given time, and it's also very possible that you have very real time or physical restrictions on your time but no matter where you're at or what you're doing, your body, mind and soul can always benefit from feeling calmer, from breathing slower, from being kinder to yourself...
  1. The fourth step in overwhelm management that I find possibly the most effective at instigating or acting as a catalyst for doing all the above is asking myself the following question: How am I showing myself love right now?

Sometimes just taking a moment to question our self-love is effective as a reminder for you to be more active in showing it to yourself. If self-love is an icky or uncomfortable term for you then switch up how you ask the question. Try "How am I being kind to myself right now?" or "Am I being nice to myself right now?" or "How am I showing up for myself in this moment?"
Either way, if you can't answer this question you are going to struggle to manage your overwhelm because let me tell you that overwhelm, stress, anxiety, and depression are all masters at ridding your of common sense and logic, you are not going to beat, manage or reduce overwhelm well by hating on yourself or punishing yourself. Loving yourself through whatever unpleasant feeling or episode you're experiencing is going to be much more effective than getting angry with yourself, feeling shame or guilt, or indulging a lengthy inner dialogue riddled with negative self-talk.
5. Which brings us nicely to the fifth thing you can do: Intentionally Show Yourself Some Love
If you've got to this stage and now feel this is the biggest obstacle of all, and I will agree that when you are feeling fully overwhelmed, showing yourself love can feel impossible, but if you've managed to breathe deeper for a few seconds, conduct a mini body scan or just gone to the toilet before contracting a bladder infection YOU HAVE ALREADY SHOWN YOURSELF LOVE.
Being kind to yourself isn't (just) made up of big acts of self-care like bubble baths and early nights with Netflix. I believe it's actually much more effective when you make it smaller, more manageable and done more consistently and regularly. Like, yep, you guessed it - affirmation.
This can be as simple as just repeating "I am safe" or "I am loved" or "I am awesome" over and over again. Or you can literally start a positive dialogue with yourself that actively dismisses and counteracts any negative feeling or worry you are currently experiencing: "I have a lot to do but I am capable of a lot of things" "I am feeling stretched right now but I can and will adapt" "I deserve to take a break and feel calmer" "Looking after my mental health is more important than any to do list".

Affirmations to Help With Overwhelm

If you're looking for more affirmations for helping with overwhelm or stress, here are some more positive affirmations I have written and actively use all the time when I feel overwhelmed. Some are long affirmations, others are shorts; please do take and try them out and tweak them if you need to.

As with all affirmation, pick the one or ones that work best for you and cling to them. Not all affirmations are for all people, you really only need one or two to really click and then you will reap the benefits.
Read more about how and why affirmation works here, and you can find a couple of lists of affirmations here - one for general daily use, affirmations for general anxiety and hard times here, and positive affirmations to help you heal (for different kinds of people).
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